“It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart-pain”
– Neil Gaiman
That’s exactly how it felt..still feels, sometimes when I remember or have to remember.
Right on the dot – 139 ~ (365 Faces of Mom)
The tattoo – 138 ~ (365 Faces of Mom)
I got it. I don’t think I expected to feel different before I got it, but I didn’t expect to feel nothing. The ink under my skin can never compare to how it felt when you were really around. My artist told me when she was forming your words into my skin. I remember mom, and I’ll never forget.
Never give up. Be a fighter & go where you want to be
With her best wishes -137 ~ (365 Faces of Mom)
The other find that I was excited about was this photo of my mom, I have another version of it which is currently my Yahoo messenger avatar.
Isn’t she just gorgeous?!?!
When I turned the photo around, I found this little dedication, I almost laughed myself down the stairs cause my mom was never the “mushy-mushy” type and I never pictured her dedicating anything to my dad. After all those years of saying “look at your dad, look at how he walks tabinge (crooked),” I would never in my life have expected her to give him a photo of her with anything written on it!
❤ hahahahhaahah I feel all the butterflies fluttering around my stomach, this is like probably the mush-iest that my mom could have ever been! It’s so cute!
I hope I find a love letter one day…but I highly doubt that!
For the bride-to-be 136 ~ (365 Faces of Mom)
This weekend I decided to clean my room, I could hear my mom telling me to do it already at the back of my mind. I had to sleep a bit more Sunday morning because I woke up too early and caught a cold which isn’t a good thing to have when you know you’re going to be dusting off a lot of stuff. I already started the day before so it was okay for me to extend my sleep. Anyway, before I started I went upstairs to get the broom, and felt like opening one of the other closets at the top of the stairs. I realized that there were other albums kept there, finally found mine which means I have more photos of my mom and I when I was younger (yay! :D).
I also noticed this black and white patterned book and decided to look through it. I was surprised to find that it was my mom’s Bridal Book ❤
I love the pattern! 😀
Haha sorry for the blurry shot!
I love the way this book was designed!
She didn’t fill out all the pages like in this last photo, and I’m still trying to decide if I want to write some stuff about my wedding in this book or just keep it. I was able to peek into her guest list, and list of gifts and who gave it to them…I loved looking through this book and I kept it near while I was cleaning my room.
Thanks for the book mom! 😀
I hate it ~ 134 (365 Faces of Mom)
Dear mom,
I hate going to your crypt. I hate it, I haven’t gone there since your birthday, I think. See I don’t even remember, ’cause I hate going there. I know, everyone says I should go, because I have to go visit you every once in a while but I hate it. I hate it cause I have to see it, I have to see you reduced to a small box in a wall, with your name on it. I hate having to see my niece’s note to you, telling you how much she loves you and misses you. I hate that. Most of all I hate feeling like I don’t want to leave, like if I had the opportunity I’d stand there forever, because I don’t like leaving you there. I left your side most of the time when you were in the hospital, ’cause no one else would do what I was sent to do. I hate it mom, I hate feeling bad because I haven’t come to see you in months now, but how can I if I always feel so miserable standing in front of that crypt, which doesn’t show how awesome you really are, awesome not only to me but to others.
I hate it mom. I really hate it.
Jana
Portable ~ 133 (365 Faces of Mom)
I love this way of writing my posts for mom cause once I start feeling guilty about not having written anything in weeks something suddenly pops up out of no where. I was riding the shuttle yesterday and mentally scolding myself for not having written anything for mom when I caught a glimpse of a portable TV sitting on the dashboard of the shuttle. My mom loves telenovelas/soap operas, she first started with Filipino ones and had such an addiction that she acquiered (I say acquired cause I don’t remember if she bought it or borrowed it) a little portable TV. So that, she told me one night, after tennis (they played every Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays) she will be able to catch her favorite one on the road just in case it was traffic. It was later on when she moved to DVD’s watching Korean telenovelas. It was really nice to see a sudden glimpse of her in one of my commutes home, I hope there are more 🙂
Lost and FOUND! ~ 132 (365 Faces of Mom)
I had this in my dresser drawer for a long time, but it was broken and I vaguely remember trying to fix it. Last weekend I found it again and figure I should give it another try. Obviously I’m writing this entry because this one was from my mom, all blingy and doña-like I had to have it extended cause my wrist was too big for it too look like a bracelet. It’s still a bit too blingy for my taste but, it’s from her (and is SO her), I thought it would be nice to wear it once in a while. 🙂
I listened :) ~ 131 (365 Faces of Mom
I got this article through a link that was shared by a friend on Facebook (She’s the awesome girl that’s doing the cake for our wedding :D). I don’t normally read the material of this specific writer but I really love this article and there are two parts that reminded me of my mom:
5. “If you study hard and get good grades your success in life is assured.” Not necessarily. There are people who excel in an academic environment but flounder when they leave the confines of the university. Grades are important, but so is the ability to work with other people. You must be able to apply the knowledge you gleaned from books to real-life situations and environments. You must understand that people are complex organisms who do not behave like theoretical models. Get yourself some street smarts.
6. “He’s not right for you.” Listen to your mother. If she says this about the guy you are dating, she is probably right. It is called maternal instinct. That and the fact that half of your chromosomes are hers so you are more alike than you care to acknowledge. So consider Mom’s advice, but never let on that you ditched him because she said so. Show some resistance. You can’t have Mom taking over your life.
25 ‘truths’ we put through
EMOTIONAL WEATHER REPORT By Jessica ZafraHere’s the linkage to the article, I highly suggest you read it: http://bit.ly/q9Ofgv
It was actually the 6th that got my attention first. Mom is never one to meddle with what I did with my life, she gave me advice she told me what she thought but she never told me what to do. I started this guy when I just got into college, he was full blown all black, long hair rocker kind of dude. I really liked the change I suppose after dating all clean dudes some that even liked a lot of hiphop which I found to be unbearable after a while. He was political, listened to heavy music, and very smart.
I introduced him to my mom and she was super nice to him, would leave him food for dinner sometimes. Talk to him a lot when he was around, she would of course mention that maybe he needed a haircut but that was pretty much it. I told her a lot about him, after a while she told me that he might not be the right one for me. I didn’t resist what she said, after all she was just telling me what she thought, it was my decision. In the end I decided to break up with him, not because of her, but because of the conclusions I came to.
As for the 5th on this article, I think I mentioned in the past entry that my mom was never one for grades. Even up until I started working she made it clear, not every graduate that has honors or is tre awesomesauce at school, some are horridsauce. So she didn’t expect me to get high grades, she just expected me to do my best and pass. It would be nice to get good grades and all but no pressure.
I love that I get to carry these things around with me after she’s gone, her little bits of advice have helped me go along way.
dream a little dream ~ 130 (365 Faces of Mom)
I had a dream about my mom last July 8, it was really long, but the gist of it was, my mom wasn’t dead. She changed her name and came to take me with her, and my dad was sad that she was going to take me. My mom isn’t the type to send messages through dreams, at least I don’t think she is, not until it’s really important. So I figured it was simply my subconscious that was talking to me. Jonar and I tried to figure it out, and after awhile we figured it might be, because of everything that’s going on with her family, and my life, my subconscious just wanted to say that I need her, we all need her.
I hope all our prayers reach her and she can help us all through this. I know she will, we just have to be patient.
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