I understood everything, I even understood why he didn’t want to, I understood it so well that I started to feel the utter unfair-ness of the whole situation. But you were the one that taught me the world isn’t fair, that’s just the way it is. I saw his frustration and defeat on his face, just like what you always say, you don’t want anymore conflicts. For some reason other people just like to tie it in a big red bow and present it to you like it’s something that you actually enjoy tackling; conflicts, problems, who said what. I didn’t realize he was the same until you passed, maybe because I wasn’t one to notice him that much anyway.

I just don’t want it to be a loss, that’s all. Even if you’ll tell me we lose things everyday anyway, I still don’t want it to be. He worked hard for it (I didn’t even know that ’til now) you both worked so hard for it. I could see it in his eyes, he thought he was going to stay ’til the very end…but now we know that he can’t.

I just want him to get the better part of it mom, that is all, help him like you have all of these years. Please.