Tina suggested this project to me last September, everyone’s doing it now, through Facebook or Tumblr. So I decided, to deal with the left over grief and finally have a chance to talk about my mom without awkward silences and whispered apologies. I decided this was the right project for me.

When I started planning this project, I really wanted to start already but I thought I needed to time it right. So I decided that today was the right time since it was this time last year that we lost her. As a tribute to the most amazing mother in the world here is my very first entry:

I thought it was a typical idea to dedicate a song to my mom, but this particular one has memories, not particularly good ones, but still ones that included her. I first heard this song when I was really young, Madonna was my adoptive sister’s favorite and since I was little and didn’t know better, I tried to follow her footsteps by listening to the same music as she did. I used to play this song when my mom and I had a fight, I’d cry over not knowing my biological mother and feeling all telenovela-y, hoping that one day my real mother would suddenly appear at our gate….and there would be music and a dramatic reunion. This of course included her Mercedes, Manolo’s and Channels…yeah I was 10.

This song just popped into my head all of a sudden, then I realized that I was playing this song for the wrong person this whole time. I thought it would be one of the best entries for this project, it was Jonar who suggested that it should be my first.

It’s just right to say, that this time…I am dedicating this song to the right person.

“Promise To Try”

by Madonna

Little girl don’t you forget her face
Laughing away your tears
When she was the one who felt all the pain

Little girl never forget her eyes
Keep them alive inside
I promise to try — it’s not the same

Keep your head held high — ride like the wind
Never look behind, life isn’t fair
That’s what you said, so I try not to care

Little girl don’t run away so fast
I think you forgot to kiss — kiss her goodbye

Will she see me cry when I stumble and fall
Does she hear my voice in the night when I call
Wipe away all your tears, it’s gonna be all right

I fought to be so strong, I guess you knew
I was afraid you’d go away, too

Little girl you’ve got to forget the past
And learn to forgive me
I promise to try — but it feels like a lie

Don’t let memory play games with your mind
She’s a faded smile frozen in time
I’m still hanging on — but I’m doing it wrong
Can’t kiss her goodbye — but I promise to try