Warning: May spew forth cheesey adjectives about boyfriend. Writer is not responsible for any violent bitter reactions. Read at your own risk.
There wasn’t anyone else…That’s what I remember thinking. I was on that crossroad, to possibly settle with the guy I had nothing in common with, or the guy I hardly knew. But before this monologue goes any further, let me tell you about these two men.
Guy 1 was some dude I met through a common friend, in the two years we’ve known each other I’ve only really seen him three times. And in that one meeting, I was emotionally vulnerable, had too much vodka and slept with him. Yeah…I remember it, every yucky drunk part of it. He isn’t the really really cute type of guy, he said so himself, he didn’t really find himself extremely good-looking, he was a laid-back guy who went with the flow hardly did anything extreme, and took things as they came…at least from what I saw. Guy 1 is friendly, sometimes even funny, we drifted in and out of communication, until one day I decided to ask him, “why do we keep drifting? Nothing ever happens to us, we just talk for a few months and then stop talking” – and by talking I mean texting, sometimes actually having a phone conversation but mostly texting. And the texting wasn’t the kind that kept you interested at all, it was an exchange of “have you eaten?” – “how are you doing” – “what time are you going home?” He went as far as calling me “baby/babe” which I neither rejected nor did in return.
The second time I saw guy 1, my ex-fiance and I just broke up and once again I was my vulnerable self, thankfully nothing happened. We stayed in the car for the most part, talking about what happened, he had the guts to ask me for a kiss and then went on his way.
The third time I saw him, he volunteered to pick me up after an event that I had to go to for work. He had a nice new hair cut which made him look younger. We were planning to go for coffee, but it was too late and nothing was open, we drove all the way to Makati to find a coffee shop that was open but there was nothing. We hung out in his car for a few minutes until I decided he should take me home. During that short time in his car, he mostly shushed me, telling me to tone down my voice. I thought, if this guy said it didn’t matter if he didn’t really really know me why is he complaining about my voice being so loud?
He asked me a few times on the phone if we should be a couple…and it wasn’t in a romantic sort of way…how is asking over the phone romantic anyway? I refused and said he should at least take me out on a date first, which he made meager attempts at a few days after. He asked me to go out of town with him, when all I wanted was dinner and a movie. He tried again, and then later insisted that if I let him plan things and just let him know when I’m free that everything will happen. I waited, nothing. One, two, three, drift.
Guy 2 I met on an online dating site, I was invited by a friend years ago and I had recently started checking my profile on that page. I liked what he said about my long curly hair and figured it wouldn’t do harm if I messaged him back. We had dinner later that week, he still seemed ok….a few days later, he morphed into a pervy-knee-slapping-juvinille-that I had nothing in common with. It was almost always unbearable to be in his presence, he questioned my taste in music, he said “ew” to some of the songs I had on my ipod. He embarrassingly laughed like a teenage boy, slapping his knee, while we watched “The Ugly Truth.” I found a boy going through puberty inside a 30 year old man, excited at the sight of a woman’s breasts, squealing at the word “sex” which he talked about endlessly (thus endless squealing -_-). It was horrible. His sad sluggish demeanor made me feel uncomfortable and sorry for him at the same time. In all fairness to him, he was a gentleman, he gave me the right kind of flowers in the wrong color, he opened the car door for me, he paid for the bill, he picked me up and brought me home and he never forced himself on me.
I was frustrated, I didn’t know if I was being made to choose between the worst choices in the world or being forced to accept that my fairytale was over, I had to wake up and realize, love only happened to some people only at the beginning and then never again. That I had my chance, blew it and I was never going to have second go at it. I didn’t know what to do so I had a little conversation…
“What’s so hard?” I said under my breath in the shower, “I just want someone that have the same interests as I do, someone I can talk to, someone I can bring to gigs with me, he doesn’t have to be completely perfect, a guy with glasses, and SMART please please SMART, and…” I hesitated thinking I might be asking too much, but continued anyway “it would be a plus if he played an instrument…not a requirement though.” I repeated “no, not a requirement…a muscian…just a plus”. After that I let it go, thinking I should be happy, I was able to find a new job a month after I was forced to resign from a company that I slaved over but showed no appreciation at all. It was work that was important for now anyway, so, it was career that I put ahead of the two awkward men and decided if I had to decide I had time to weigh the pros and cons.
And then he came.
He came before mom passed. He came at the best time possible. He came before a lot of things fell apart. My two-floors-above-four-eyed-base-playing-dorky-vocalist-writer-system-admin-answer-to-my-prayer finally arrived. The crossroad faded, and there he was. It’s fun to be in an awkward, fun-loving, no bullshit relationship with a guy who’s exactly the way you wanted him to be and then some. Guy 1 and 2 may not have been the only men in my life, and God knows this would be a novel if I told you about all the others, but I was exhausted and happy to be home in his arms, finally.
– cheesey-boyfriend entry ends here –